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You might be a libertarian if you believe...

If you think 99 percent of politicians give the rest of them a bad name, you might be a Libertarian.
If you think taxes are ridiculously high, you might be a Libertarian.
If you think that the problem with civil servants is that too many of them are neither civil nor servants, you might be a Libertarian.
If someone asks you to take a urine test and you feel like telling them you'll give them a taste test, you might be a Libertarian.
If you think that there are way too many laws about way too many things, you might be a Libertarian.
If you believe in the Bill of Rights, you might be a Libertarian.
If you believe that no one should go to jail for smoking flowers, you might be a Libertarian.
If you believe that just about everything should be bought and sold on an open market except politicians, you might be a Libertarian.
If you your glad you don’t get all the government you pay for, you might be a Libertarian.
If you think the US Constitution is the only contract with America you need, you might be a Libertarian.
If you think the only gun permit you need is the Second Amendment, you might be a Libertarian.
If the only way you can tell a left winger from a right winger is by which one of their hands is in which one of your pockets, you might be a Libertarian.
If you think the left is too left and the right is just plain wrong, you might be a Libertarian.
If you think polluters should pay for the environmental damage they cause, you might be a Libertarian.

Script of Monty Python Ministry of Silly Walks Sketch


Courtesy of Jews for the Preservation of Firearms Ownership

"The Rise and Decline of Metallica and American Liberty" by Anthony Gregory

From ThinkLibertarian.com:

" 'INTAXACATION' DEFINED (this is classic!)

The Washington Post's MENSA Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter and supply a new definition. Here is one of this year's winners:

Intaxacation - The euphoria of getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize, it was your money to start with."

Liberty-News Cartoon Archive


2004 Election Humor
Democratic National Convention Opening Day Agenda
An Honest Debate Between Bush and Kerry

What you have to believe to be a Democrat or Republican

by Darian Worden

Inspired by “To be a liberal you have to believe” jokes that I’ve seen floating around in various forms over the years, I have decided to make a list of things you have to believe to be a Democrat or Republican. The first Democrat item on the list is knowingly plagiarized from a liberal beliefs list – I just had to include it because I think it sums up the left leaning statist outlook so well. The rest I am pretty sure I thought up on my own but someone else has probably said something at least similar to most of them. Anyway, enjoy!

To be a DEMOCRAT you have to believe
that the HIV virus is spread by a lack of federal funding
To be a REPUBLICAN you have to believe
that terrorism and hatred towards America are spread by a lack of US Military occupations

To be a DEMOCRAT you have to believe
that anyone who disagrees with you is either a) a right wing fundamentalist who listens to too much talk radio, b) a heartless conservative who wants everyone to make $2 and hour, or c) a stupid redneck who beats his wife and owns too many guns
To be a REPUBLICAN you have to believe
that anyone who disagrees with you is either a) a tree-hugging liberal hippie pot smoker who hates America, b) a God-hating liberal weenie who is too overrun with estrogen to understand simple logic such as “A is B when Republicans say it is,” or c) a terrorist

To be a DEMOCRAT you have to believe
that the best way to protect the environment is to put it under control of distant bureaucrats who work for the biggest polluter in the nation (that’s the US government, for those of you who haven’t yet figured out how evil it is)
To be a REPUBLICAN you have to believe
that the best way to secure liberty is to put every citizen under control of distant bureaucrats and armed thugs with badges

To be a DEMOCRAT you have to believe
that the party that runs a presidential candidate who voted for the Iraq war and said he’d do it again, is home to proponents of military draft and compulsory “national service,” and is historically known for putting warmongers like Woodrow Wilson, Franklin Roosevelt, Lyndon Johnson, and Bill Clinton in office, is the best hope for peace because it is not the Republican Party
To be a REPUBLICAN you have to believe
that a party that has only increased government power, spending, and deficits while in control of both houses of Congress and the White House is the best hope for economic freedom because George Bush says the words “freedom” and “ownership” a lot

To be a DEMOCRAT you have to believe
that the best way to help the poor is to cut off the bottom few rungs of the economic ladder
To be a REPUBLICAN you have to believe
that the best way to help the poor is to have the government give more of their money to the rich

To be a DEMOCRAT you have to believe
despite vast volumes of evidence to the contrary, business regulations and welfare codes written by rich people really do benefit the poor
To be a REPUBLICAN you have to believe
despite vast volumes of evidence to the contrary, perpetual warfare can be waged by a limited, non-intrusive government

To be a DEMOCRAT you have to believe
that speech codes, harassment lawsuits, brainwashing, and coercion are legitimate ways to bring tolerance and understanding among people
To be a REPUBLICAN you have to believe
that vigorously enforcing the multitude of unconstitutional gun control laws on the books is a legitimate method of opposing gun control

To be a DEMOCRAT you have to believe
that people who don’t believe fundamental laws of economics should be put in charge of writing all economic policy that the entire country must abide by
To be a REPUBLICAN you have to believe
that people who don’t believe fundamental tenets of science should be in charge of writing all science text books that the entire country must use

To be a DEMOCRAT you have to believe
that banning cheap guns so poor people can’t protect themselves as easily is “progressive”
To be a REPUBLICAN you have to believe
that violating the Constitution so innocent people are not protected by the law is “patriotic”

To be a DEMOCRAT you have to believe
that any argument on economics can be won simply by using buzzwords like “outsourcing,” “exploitation,” “capitalists,” “fair trade,” and “corporations”
To be a REPUBLICAN you have to believe
that any argument on foreign policy can be won simply by using buzzwords like “homeland,” “terror,” “freedom,” “weapons of mass destruction,” and “Al-Qaeda”

To be a DEMOCRAT you have to believe
that war is waged for good intentions when done by a Democratic president
To be a REPUBLICAN you have to believe
that welfare-statism is done for economic well-being when it is done by a Republican president

To be a DEMOCRAT you have to believe
that the Great Depression ended because Franklin Roosevelt was a courageous leader who dared to spend a lot of other people’s money, and not because of more favorable economic conditions following the Second World War
To be a REPUBLICAN you have to believe
that the USSR fell because Ronald Reagan was a courageous leader who dared to spend a lot of other people’s money, and not because communism and empire don’t work

Libertarians do it voluntarily!

Police State Propaganda Posters!

New Anti-Terrorism Strategy

New Bill Would Defend Marriage From Sharks

Airport Security Oversights

Senate Wins Fight To Lower Allowable Amperage Levels On Detainees' Testicles


While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

“Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” says the man. “Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

“Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the senator.

“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises…

The elevator goes up, and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

“Now it’s time to visit heaven.”

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

The senator reflects for a minute, and then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before; I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder “I don’t understand,” stammers the senator. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, “Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted.”